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Do you believe in having an “Open Relationship”?

Thursday, May 28, 2009 · 2 Comments

I hear this phrase so much these days. Is it really a good thing to share another person with the person you are in a relationship with?

Or is this for church_of_the_black_rose_by_zephyriself-gratification?

I found this topic on a site I came across
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She Said: Can Open Relationships Work?

Posted by Kay Sea

Okay ladies, we’ve all had that conversation with our men about inviting another woman into the bedroom for some menagè trois action. While some of us are willing to take the plunge, and maybe even have a potential third party in mind, many of us shutter at the thought of sharing our men.

On one hand, maybe an open relationship has its perks. If you invite another women to your bed then this means your man will never cheat, right? This is not to be mistaken as a con to engage in freakish encounters to buffer your guy’s cheating ways, but rather a way to explore sexual fantasies together as a couple. But these scenarios tend to get a little tricky when either you or your man begin to rendezvous with the outsider without warning, then suddenly it becomes cheating.

On the other end of extremes, some couples think it’s healthy to swing around and couldn’t be happier in their relationship. The premise of the sexually open arrangements is most often the “unnatural” rules of monogamy. Maybe the most puzzling piece of all, is most open couples have long-lasting relationships and are more than in love with their partner.

What’s the magic, communication? Clearly no one should even dare dive into this type of venture if the communication isn’t solid to begin with, but if it is, could it work? If you decide to give it a go, is this a one time engagement or have you forever opened pandora’s box?

LiveSteez sat with a group of women and asked, can an open relationship work?

Oh you’ve opened the damn box! My mother always said “don’t start shit you ain’t willing to continue,” and it’s true! If you start messing around with other women with your man, you think that one time is going to be enough to satisfy his greedy ass? No! He going to want different women who do different shit, the freakier the better. Y’all gon’ learn, messing with marriage. One is enough and two is too much. -Karen, 29, Stylist

It really depends on the people’s personalities. Most of us are not secure enough for that kind of relationship, we’re just trained to accept that. We’re [women] trained by society to be monogamous. I think it could work with a lot of communication, but keep in mind that most of us are poor communicators. For the majority of Americans in particular, I would say no. -Dana, 33, Teacher

I would say yes. I think an open relationship can work if boundaries are set and communication is clear about expectations. When I was 20, I had a polygamous relationship, and it was one of my greatest, but I chose to leave. However, the two remained together and have been married for 8 years now and we’re all still really good friends. So yes, these set ups can work. -Liza, 30, Psychologist

I don’t know. That’s a tough call. Not to say that I am desperate enough to do what it takes to keep a man, but what you won’t do somebody else will. I just think in order for an open relationship to work the two people should have similar beliefs, in terms of stringency. If you’re one of those people who’s cool with your man doing his thing from time to time, and you have the clearance to do your own thing too then that’s a perfect match. But you can’t have a swinger and a monogamous person in one couple, it’s bound for disaster. Yea, being “open” is not for me personally, but I do think it could work, but with the right people. -Farrah, 25, Entrepreneur

This topic was from http://livesteez.com/livestyle/read/81/She-Said-Can-Open-Relationships-Work

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Do you think getting Married is overrated?

Thursday, May 21, 2009 · Leave a Comment

I was on a website when I came across this topic.

by siderevs on flickr

by siderevs on flickr

Is marriage going to be a thing of the past and just living together will be the future?

It seems this will alway be a moot point.

Here’s the story:

[She Said] Is Marriage Just a Paper?

Posted by Kay Sea

Back in the day marriage was a standard, not an option. If a man knocked his girl up, they had a shot gun wedding, continued to have children and more than likely stayed together out of obligation. Today, however, couples have found a loophole to attain all the attachments of marriage without the title.

Here’s a very common scenario that is often debated among today’s young couples and marriage vets of yesteryear: A man and a woman have been shacking up for the past three years or so, and everything is close to perfect. The issue of marriage falls upon them and they figure, why not? We’ve been together forever now so what difference would it make, we might as well. They take the plunge, and a short year later they divorce. The burning question remains, what is it about that piece of paper called a marriage license turns the dynamics of a relationship up-side-down? Young folks today obviously recognize that it’s much easier to commence a marriage than it is to void it, so what’s the point?

As there is nothing new under the sun, the same problems that plagued marriages then could destroy any union today. What has changed is the necessity of nuptials all together. Nowadays a lot of women feel that if maintaining a relationship without the legal title is what it takes keep the love alive, then so be it, because a paper doesn’t determine the love, longevity and livelihood of a marriage.

Livesteez sat down and asked a group of women: Is marriage overrated? Let us know what you think.

Honestly, the only reason why I would get married is for insurance purposes. Like, if my guy had a life insurance policy and I’m having his children and playing house for years, then yea. If he croaks, I’m gonna need to maintain the security of my homelife for my children. I know it sounds terrible, but don’t forget marriage is a business transaction and if my guy has no assets, then marriage is pointless and we could continue to love each other while shacking up. – Nicolette, 29, Attorney

Marriage to me is just one of those things that seems less and less tangible as I get older. You know when you are younger you think I graduate from high school, go to college, find my husband in college and marry him right after graduation and start a family, and live happily ever, but I think somewhere along the way that Disney, cherry-coated, “in a perfect world” fantasy wears off after life starts to get real. You grow up and realize that everything that you thought life was about just isn’t simply achieved…

To read the rest of the post go to http://livesteez.com/livestyle/read/74/She-Said-Is-Marriage-Just-a-Paper

Thanks for reading

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3 Years Happily Re-Married!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Came across this in a forum on Beliefnet.

By clovesG

This past month my husband and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary.  No big deal for MOST people, but for me I see it as HOPE to all of us who have had thier world rocked when their long-time spouse [21 years] walked away from his marriage vows, his kids and his life…all for another woman.

Beliefnet has struggled with many changes over the years and we have lost many of the regular posters, but there are still a few of us who are kicking around and who have much to say thank you for this site.  I poured my heart out on this site and got so much uplifting support from others who had shared the pain of a broken relationship. I made such great cyber friends who reminded me that I am beautiful and deserving of true love. And, I even met my new spouse from one of those cyber friends who saw us as a perfect match. He was right, but the journey took some effort.  I needed to learn to love myself again before I could ever love anyone else.

So, I thought I would post and tell you that I am having the BEST life.  My 2 grown children adore their stepdad and there is such a thing as “Happily Ever After”.  As for the x who left me for a friend of mine……he found the grass is not greener and the relationship he left his marriage for did not last.  He is alone and feels lonely.

To read the responses click here

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NYCity News Service: Local Stories on a Whole New Level

Monday, May 11, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Fellow New Yorkers and those who are interested in news about New York,  in case you haven’t heard, there are journalists scouring the five boroughs to bring stories that need to be heard to light. NYCity News Service is operated by students from the CUNY Graduate School of Journalism.

It has everything from Print for those who like a good reading, Video for the visually inclined, Audio Slideshows for interactive media enthusiasts.

Here are just some of the stories that are being produced on the site:

New Asthma Fears in East Harlem

It’s being seen as part of a development and job boom for East Harlem.
But a new Costco is also creating concerns in a community with some of the highest asthma rates in the city.

Help and Hope for the Jobless

Brooklyn – As jobs continue to vanish, job hunters in New York City need someone to give them hope and practical advice. For many, Khalil Rashid is that person.

In a government office building on Fulton Street at the Labor Services Resource Room, it is the responsibility of Mr. Rashid and the other labor services representatives to help people find jobs — no easy task as unemployment rises.

A Dream Delayed for Latino Laborers

Queens – The recession has slammed New Yorkers, especially working-class folks without a lot of savings to cushion the blow of sudden unemployment or a reduction in work hours.

Latino immigrants, who are predominately employed in the ailing construction, manufacturing and hospitality industries, are among the groups hardest hit by the downturn. A recent report by the Pew Hispanic Center in Washington found the unemployment rate for foreign-born Latinos rose over the past year, with about 35 percent of working-age people unemployed.

Making Green by Going Green

Manhattan – Standing next to 30-pound sacks of organic soil on the 49th floor of 7 World Trade Center, Dominic Vigliotti talked excitedly how his Long Island company is selling tons of compost for roof gardens.

Ten feet away, Ken Hillman of Green Street Construction showed floor tiles made of recycled glass, and a piece of carpet woven entirely from wool. “It’s sustainable and it grows back every year,” Hillman noted. “Instead of wearing a sweater, we can make a carpet.”

Don’t forget to leave a comment on how you felt about the story.

For other stories, go to the NYCity News Service site.

Bookmark and Share

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Is “Friends with Benefits” really beneficial?

Saturday, April 25, 2009 · Leave a Comment

This phrase is used often today. But is it worth it?

Here is something I came across recently on Psychology Today Magazine website.

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Friends With Benefits
Hara Estroff Marano gives advice on hooking up, clingy moms, and annoying mother-in-laws.

church_of_the_black_rose_by_zephyri

By Zephyri www.deviantart.com

By: Hara Estroff Marano

I have been really good friends with a guy, and although we’ve both talked about having a relationship, we’re not ready. I don’t want to remain just “friends with benefits.” He talks to other girls, which bothers me because he acts as if there is nothing between us, and there is. Sometimes I’m really pissy with him on the phone because I see him hug other girls, but I can’t tell him, “I don’t want you to talk to other girls,” because I’m not his girlfriend. What should I do?

Dahlink, you are already having a relationship, just not a good one. It’s one-sided, without any investment of attention on his part. The thing about friends with benefits is that, often, only one person gets all the benefits. Among the young, who typically do not yet know how to establish equality or mutuality in relationships, friends with benefits frequently functions to service the physical needs of boys while overlooking the more subtle emotional needs of girls. Women are pretty much wired to form emotional attachments to men they are intimate with. That’s why having friends with benefits can get confusing. You feel attached to him, expect him to feel the same about you and so you want him to demonstrate some caring, certainly by not being overly affectionate with other girls. But he won’t even recognize a relationship. Result: You’re distressed. It’s not the sex that makes friends with benefits a bad bargain for young women; it’s the nature of the deal—lack of equal emotional involvement of the partners. At least you’ll salvage your self-respect if you stop the flow of benefits to him completely. Maybe then he will begin to pay you more attention, maybe not. But you will have learned something important: It’s best for your own soul to reserve sexual intimacy for relationships where there are clear signs of affection both ways. Otherwise, you’re just going to keep going down the same one-way street named disappointment.

You can read more of this article with different scenarios at http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20060719-000006.html

Credit goes to Psychology Today Magazine
Copyright Sussex Publishers, LLC

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Soup Kitchen in Hollis, Queens

Sunday, January 18, 2009 · 1 Comment

New Greater Bethel Ministries has a Soup Kitchen/Food Pantry in Hollis. It is a storefront with a sign in the window that is hard to see from far away, whether driving or walking along Hollis Avenue near Francis Lewis Boulevard.

Mother Ruby Graham, 77, is the coordinator, wearing a sea captain’s hat, and does most of the cooking. Her assistant, Sister Curtis, and volunteers Sister Meebam (wearing a magenta hat and blouse) and a retired military veteran (wearing an “I Love NY” shirt), help Mother Graham run the place. It wasn’t easy taking photographs because of the dimly lit place with few fluorescent lights illuminating.

 

Click Here: http://blogs.journalism.cuny.edu/interactivefundamentals/2008/12/22/hidden-soup-kitchen-in-hollis-queens/

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Dragonball Movie: Pass or Fail?

Saturday, January 17, 2009 · 1 Comment

In case you haven’t heard, 20th Century Fox produced a live-action adaption to Akira Toriyama’s “Dragonball”. According to Anime News Network, a second trailer has been released.

Here is the second trailer: http://dragonballthemovie.com/.

And comments on the forum show mixed feelings of this movie.

One commenter might reflect the feelings of some Dragonball fans.

sykoeent

Joined: 17 Jul 2007
Posts: 55

Posted: Fri Jan 16, 2009 1:42 am

Wow… emo Goku with ZERO EXPRESSION!!!…. No wonder why FOX was trying to hold up Watchmen…. Good job FOX!!! You created a new “Fail/Suck” word… “FOX”. If I screw something up, now I will just say, “Aww, I FOX’d it up!” or when I’m telling someone off, “HEY MAN, FOX you!” Or when I’m dropping one in the toilet… “WOW, now that was a big FOX!”
No wonder George Lucas left you guys! I know you guys read these forums… and let me just say, when you’re at the theatre, and this trailer comes up and you hear all those “boo’s”, I’m the one who started it. Have a good day, a FOX you, FOX! FOX you!!!

 

What are you views on the movie?

Feel free to leave comments

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Eyewitness at California Shooting Speaks to Reporter

Saturday, January 10, 2009 · Leave a Comment

Viewer Discretion is Advised Due to Profanity

Karina Vargas happened to be at a Bay Area Rapid Transit Station very early News Years Day. There was a fight on the train and BART Officers came to it break up. Oscar Grant is seen in the video amongst the group the officers rounded up.

In a video posted on YouTube, Vargas footage is shown first and the next segment of the video has her speaking to a reporter from a local station at what seems to be her residence.

In the interview, she did mention the officer who shot Grant was shocked himself when he realized what he had done.

If she didn’t get into the train in time after the shooting, a BART Officer would have confiscated her camera.

This is the reaction from a representative of BART after watching the video a TV reporter presented to him.

As a result of the shooting, a riot occurred in the streets of Oakland.

CBS5: Inside The Oakland Riot: A First-Hand Account

And the BART Officer Resigned

All Headline News: BART Officer In Fatal Shooting Resigns; Protests In Oakland Turn Violent

For some people watching the video, it might reopen fresh wounds and perspectives of how officers react in a situation regarding a person of color. However, others might say they have to listen to both sides before making an opinion of the event.

The comments on YouTube from viewers of the videos ranged from prejudice to outrage. Here are two examples below.

From the Reactions From BART Officials Over New Video Of Fatal Shooting YouTube video (second one right above)

FormalScience (31 minutes ago)

Terrible injustice on this kid and his family, cops are just to trigger happy. Did the cop think he had his taser in his hand, not his firearm?, there were plenty of police there to overpower him if necessary so why pull a weapon at all?.

From the Oakland, Ca Fruitvale Bart Station Shooting. Full Video and interview with Karina Vargas (first video above)

Lowranger7 (31 minutes ago)

Glad he’s dead. Hope he suffered. A fitting end for all n*****s…and f**s too !

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Tips for Journalism Students

Monday, January 5, 2009 · Leave a Comment

In case you haven’t heard already, but Suzanne Yada, “a copy editor returning to school to, you know, learn”, has posted a great blog giving tips for journalism students to be invaluable.

It includes learning to network, meeting deadlines, social networking and so forth.

The first part is called Resolutions for journalism students, part I: Become invaluable

Part II: Resolutions for journalism students, part II: Network like mad

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NYC Author On A Mission To Have His Story Heard

Saturday, December 6, 2008 · Leave a Comment

The book took more than two years to be put together. Phantom Students focus on the experience of New York City author, Charlton D’souza, on what he and other students faced while attending Marymount Manhattan College Community Leadership Program (CLP). The program was designed to reach out to students in communities that have been overlooked by institutions of higher education.

The program began in 1993, with 15 students enrolled, D’souza had discovered. When the year was over, only one student graduated from it. By a very slim margin, the entire class dropped out.

In 1999, 17 students out of a class of 27 graduated, making it the highest number of students to complete the program. In total, 156 students were enrolled in the program.

The program itself is no longer in existence. The last class enrolled documented on the chart was in 2001. His colleague and long time friend since high school, Brandon C. Jennings, was in the program at the time it was cut along with D’souza in early 2004. In addition, he is still paying a loan to this date.

Nationally, D’souza researched that one of the reason why students were dropping out of school was due to economic issues. He went to the U.S Census website and saw that “In 2005, the average tuition was $13,425 for room and board (for in-state students) at the nation’s four-year public colleges and universities. In 2008, that number has increased to $15,372.”

For private institutions, in 2005, tuition, room and board was $36,510. In 2008, the number increased to $41,000 a year.

D’souza was in the program on a full academic scholarship, but on February 21, 2004, he did not get to see it last. It was in the evening when he was leaving school. One of the security guards handed him a letter. Inside, it was a statement that said he was “no longer a student and had been discharged from the university.”

When he was in transition of wanting to transfer to another school, D’souza could not get a transcript or speak with any members of the administration. So he protested “outside the college and held a press conference seeking help. He also began to file complaints to the United States Department of Education and the Attorney Generals office, and the person holding the position was former governor, Eliot Spitzer. Spitzer also has a connection with the institution as well.

The young man is very driven and determined. Even his former Marymount professor Americo Casiano believes in him. Casiano currently works for the Bronx Council on the Arts, a private non-profit organization that provides “cultural services and arts programs” for community oriented organizations throughout the Bronx.

The book is almost ready to print. It has only 176 pages. And he has a website where he is trying to reach out to schools to speak about his story. He came up with the name Phantom Students because he “wanted to bring attention to the students who weren’t graduating from college.” Pretty soon the book will be up on the website to be viewed chapter by chapter. Later this month, a book signing party will take place.

Visit the website at http://www.phantomstudentsacrossamerica.com/

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